funny Avengers stuff, it's simple!
You're blog brings me boundless joy

thanks! that’s the goal

vyllalala:

Clint right now:

image

colonelrogers:

gazzymouse:

colonelrogers:

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ON YOUR LEFT

DONT SAY IT

… ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ON YOUR LEFT

62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.
1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’
2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.
3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.
4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”
5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.
6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.
7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.
8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.
9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.
10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”
11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”
12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.
13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.
14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.
15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.
16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.
17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.
18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.
19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.
20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.
21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.
22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.
23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.
24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.
25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.
29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.
30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.
31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.
32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.
33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.
34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.
35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.
36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.
37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’
38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’
39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.
40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.
41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.
42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.
43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’
44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.
45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.
46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.
47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.
48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.
49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’
50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.
51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.
52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.
53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.
54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!
55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’
56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again: “Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”
57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.
58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.
59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.
60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.
61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.
62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’

Hi fellow superheroes!

I got a bunch of requests for headcanons in my inbox and I just want you to know that I am not ignoring them, I am just terribly busy at the moment.

But you will all get your answers, don’t worry.

What would happen if the avengers played truth or dare?
Anonymous

absolute fucking mayhem

Do you have any Headcannons about Clint?
  • clint fucking loves, loves strawberry shampoo, but he always claims that he used it accidentally
  • clint and natasha have a super secret handshake that’s so complicated that no one else could even try it without breaking some bones
  • clint once died his hair pink. they dont talk about that. the hulk liked it, tho!
(can you please either answer private or link me once you've answered?) Hi, I'm not too familiar with the Avengers, but I'm going to a sporting carnival, and my team's theme is the avengers. Do you have any tips/ideas for easy/simple costume/theme ideas? (it's swimming so no face paint unfortunately) thank you so much for your time!

dear followers of this blog: please message grayskiesandrain if you have any tips!

Do you have any Headcannons about Steve?
  • he just doesn’t get dubstep. he tries, he really really does, but he just can’t get into it. when he finally finds that one song he likes, tony has to explain to him that it’s actually funk
  • steve loves to bake, especially cupcakes for his team mates. he uses lots of food colouring and makes them in the style of their costumes. they all smile and promise to eat them later, then give them to natasha who thus far has been the only one to get rid of them without steve noticing.
  • (the hulk loves them, though)
  • he insists on “team building activities”, which translates to weekly game evenings. although tony complains every week, they all look forward to sunday.
  • steve is ridiculously good at poker, which might be why he insists on game evenings
Um...hi there! I just wanted to ask you if you had any special headcanons for any of the Avengers... :) If not, it's cool...oh great I'm being awkward again; I'll just hide in this corner under a blanket now... *does so* :I
Anonymous

I do! But you’d have to be more specific, headcanons about what? Don’t hide!

sylaha:

theumbrellaseller:

Thor: Thor sleeps anywhere, and naked. This has caused a few issues.
Steve: on his back or side, straight as he can, barely moving. This is a habit left over from camps and barracks, squashed in with other soldiers, and from before, from the cold bitter new York winters when he was a kid. The cold was dangerous for him, screwed with his lungs, so every night Bucky would come to his place and squeeze into his narrow bed to keep him warm. He was like a furnace. Steve’s elbows and knees were sharp as knives so he made sure to keep extra still so his friend would be comfortable. Bucky’s warmth probably saved his life.
Natasha: Fetal position. Natasha curls up like a cat, all curved limbs and tousled hair, one hand by her face. She looks innocent, almost at peace. This is because her other hand is wrapped around the gun beneath her pillow.
Tony: Sleeps spreadeagle, mouth open, limbs splayed, wherever he collapses. He goes days and days without sleep; he is the wraith in Avengers tower, making coffee and scrambled eggs at 4am and disappearing back to his lab. Steve’s not much for sleep either, and he’s the only one besides Pepper who can gain access to Tony’s workshop, so he often goes downstairs to find Tony passed out on the floor with a wrench clutched in his fist and oil in his hair. If Tony ever wonders why he falls asleep on the workshop floor and wakes up in his bed with his shoes removed, he never mentions it to Steve.
Bruce: sleeps more than any of them. It’s maybe a metabolism thing. Hulking out uses up a lot of energy, so whenever he shrinks back to regular Bruce-size he eats enough for three and then sleeps for at least 16 hours. He sleeps in fetal position like Natasha, but tighter, knees tucked up almost to his chest, his whole body a clenched fist. It looks almost painful. He frowns and mutters to himself, and sometimes he cries out. There is an unspoken agreement amongst the rest of the team that they won’t mention it.
Clint: Sleeps with his eyes open. Sitting up. On the couch, or on top of the fridge, or on the stairs. Basically wherever affords the best position to scare the shit out of Tony at 3 in the morning.

so I’m reading through this, and I’m like “wow, this is spot-on, this person has a really good grasp of the avengers”
and then I read clint’s
and now I am crying.

sylaha:

theumbrellaseller:

Thor: Thor sleeps anywhere, and naked. This has caused a few issues.

Steve: on his back or side, straight as he can, barely moving. This is a habit left over from camps and barracks, squashed in with other soldiers, and from before, from the cold bitter new York winters when he was a kid. The cold was dangerous for him, screwed with his lungs, so every night Bucky would come to his place and squeeze into his narrow bed to keep him warm. He was like a furnace. Steve’s elbows and knees were sharp as knives so he made sure to keep extra still so his friend would be comfortable. Bucky’s warmth probably saved his life.

Natasha: Fetal position. Natasha curls up like a cat, all curved limbs and tousled hair, one hand by her face. She looks innocent, almost at peace. This is because her other hand is wrapped around the gun beneath her pillow.

Tony: Sleeps spreadeagle, mouth open, limbs splayed, wherever he collapses. He goes days and days without sleep; he is the wraith in Avengers tower, making coffee and scrambled eggs at 4am and disappearing back to his lab. Steve’s not much for sleep either, and he’s the only one besides Pepper who can gain access to Tony’s workshop, so he often goes downstairs to find Tony passed out on the floor with a wrench clutched in his fist and oil in his hair. If Tony ever wonders why he falls asleep on the workshop floor and wakes up in his bed with his shoes removed, he never mentions it to Steve.

Bruce: sleeps more than any of them. It’s maybe a metabolism thing. Hulking out uses up a lot of energy, so whenever he shrinks back to regular Bruce-size he eats enough for three and then sleeps for at least 16 hours. He sleeps in fetal position like Natasha, but tighter, knees tucked up almost to his chest, his whole body a clenched fist. It looks almost painful. He frowns and mutters to himself, and sometimes he cries out. There is an unspoken agreement amongst the rest of the team that they won’t mention it.

Clint: Sleeps with his eyes open. Sitting up. On the couch, or on top of the fridge, or on the stairs. Basically wherever affords the best position to scare the shit out of Tony at 3 in the morning.

so I’m reading through this, and I’m like “wow, this is spot-on, this person has a really good grasp of the avengers”

and then I read clint’s

and now I am crying.

image

1) First of all, I love your blog. 2) I have a theory about Bruce Banner and why he secludes himself. In the Avengers we can see that he has some control over the Hulk, so why does he set himself away from everyone? It's because he's different. No one will accept him, just see him as the monster that he thinks he is. He hates the stares that he gets from the people that know. So he locks himself away. Shuts people out and won't let anyone in because of it. But that's just my opinion.
Anonymous

1) thank you!

2) that’s what i think, too

Merry Christmas! XD And have an awesome New Year too! XD

You too! Merry Christmas to all of you!

Your blog is so hilarious! My sister ran into this blog a few hours ago and showed me it. I can't stop scrolling through it! Thanks!
Anonymous

thank you ;)